We all have expectations. Expectations are normal. Expectations are healthy, but unrealistic expectations can create a barrier between us and our children.
The expectations we bring to parenting matter just as much as our child’s history, abilities, and needs. In order to help our children heal and grow we need to pay attention to our expectations.
Unrealistic expectations can lead to frustration for both us and our kids and harm the relationship.
One of the most valuable things I have learned is that our kids’ developmental age is roughly half their chronological age. This was a game changer for me. There were times that I really struggled with certain behaviors from my 10-year-old son until I asked myself, “Is this appropriate behavior for a 5-year-old?”.
Once I grasped this concept, I was able to have appropriate expectations, my frustration and behavior changed and our relationship improved.
Ryan North is the Co-Founder of One Big Happy Home and creator of The Empowered Parent Podcast. He is a recognized expert on childhood trauma, a TBRI Practitioner, and develops training materials for parents, schools, churches, and child-placing agencies. Ryan is a sought-after speaker known for his engaging and practical approach to communicating complex issues clearly and relatable to a wide range of audiences.