I really thought I trusted God. I have seen His faithfulness. I have experienced His love. He shows up every day when I need Him most. But faith is hard when you can’t see the steps in front of you. Lately, I feel like I can’t even see a staircase. I know it is there, but the feelings of uncertainty keep creeping in just when I think I have mustered the courage to take the step forward.
[bctt tweet=”Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase. – Martin Luther King, Jr. ” username=”OneBigHappyHome”]
Those little voices that say, “You’re not good enough.” “Don’t try that, you might fail.” “You don’t really matter in the big picture.” “If only you had done XYZ, then this wouldn’t have happened.” If we’re lucky, those voices are only in our head and we can push past the voice and trust God in the midst of the uncertainty.
But sometimes, you know the voices that say those things to you. People you thought cared about you. People you hoped were on your team.
Usually, the voices of those people come wrapped in the platitudes of “we love you” and “we’re praying for you,” but coming from those who hurt you the most, they are meaningless. In fact, they cut deeper because you thought those things were true.
The truth is I am learning that my faith is so very small.
The truth is that it looked that way because things were going well. When life began to take turns I didn’t see coming, I crumbled. But maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Maybe it is God’s way of refocusing my attention on Him. I am reminded daily that I am not in control. All I can do is seek God and trust that He will provide. I can seek God and trust that He will guide my next step.
The journey of trusting is hard; gut-wrenchingly painful at times.
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” – Matthew 17:20 (NIV)
I hope when my children look back on their childhood that they will be able to point to those times of trial and see how I trusted God. If God tells us in His Word that even faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains, I pray they will see those mountains He has moved. I pray they will see the struggle that will ultimately point them to Jesus. I pray they will develop their own faith in a God who has proven to be faithful.
These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. – 1 Peter 1:7 (NLT)
I struggle daily to trust in God’s plan. I can hide that from my children, or I can show them how it brings me to my knees. I can pretend that I have everything under control, or I can show them that when things are out of my control God has a much bigger plan and that He is ALWAYS in control.
What areas of your life do you struggle to trust God?
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Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Kayla North is co-founder of One Big Happy Home and is considered an expert on childhood trauma. Along with her husband, she has developed training materials and programs for parents, churches, and schools educating them on trauma and its impacts. Kayla is also an affiliate trainer with Trauma Free World, an ETC Parent Trainer, TBRI practitioner, and the Executive Directory of Tapestry. She speaks at churches, schools, conferences, and retreats nationwide.