It took me a long time to embrace the idea that we should connect first even when correction is obviously necessary. After all, isn’t dealing with the natural consequences of breaking a rule a prime teachable moment?
Like most of you, we don’t allow our kids to run in the house. So, when one of them gets hurt running in the house, my natural instinct is to remind them of the “no running in the house” rule.
But that’s not what they need. What they need is to know is that even when they break the rules, we still care about them. Even when they are not at their best, they know that they are loved.
Besides, they are drowning in a flood of emotions and can’t receive our correction in any case. Our words are literally falling on deaf ears.
So instead of correcting first, let’s show them that they matter to us, and once the relationship has been strengthened we can address their behavior.
Ryan North is the Co-Founder of One Big Happy Home and creator of The Empowered Parent Podcast. He is a recognized expert on childhood trauma, a TBRI Practitioner, and develops training materials for parents, schools, churches, and child-placing agencies. Ryan is a sought-after speaker known for his engaging and practical approach to communicating complex issues clearly and relatable to a wide range of audiences.