I don’t like feeling stuck. Not physically stuck, although I don’t particularly care for that either, but emotionally stuck. A place where my emotions seem to take over at a moments notice. I seem to be sailing through my day and wham, out of nowhere I get an email that rattles me. Someone makes a comment that unnerves me or I learn of news that devastates me.
And then my emotions take over.
I never consented to this sudden onslaught of emotion, but never the less I can feel the tears well up, the knot in my stomach, and the decline in my mood. Everything around me seems to be wrong. My mind can’t focus on the task in front of me. I suddenly am all consumed. The problem that needs to be solved or the response I want to give keeps echoing inside my head. I’m stuck. I can’t go back. I don’t want to move forward. I’m stuck.
So how do I move on from this place? How do I move beyond my emotions?
I choose joy
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kind, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. James 1:2-3 (NIV)
This feeling of being stuck is God’s way of gently bringing me back to Him. It is His way of showing me that all I need is to trust Him. I know that is easier said than done. I don’t always feel joyful during these moments of being stuck, but God tells me to consider it pure joy, so I do. I may not feel the “joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart” but I can consider it. I can bring my concerns to the feet of my Father who loves me. I can consider how much He has done for me. I can remember all the times He has gotten me unstuck.
Action step: Keep a daily blessing journal. Nothing fancy, just a plain spiral notebook will do. Each day write down something that brings you joy or a blessing God has given you. On the days you can’t think of anything, read the things you’ve written before or ask a trusted friend to remind you of something. Choose joy.
Once I have chosen joy and the knot in my stomach begins to disappear, what is the next step?
I develop endurance
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. Romans 5:3 (NLT)
Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. We often run through parenthood at sprint speed and we give up too soon. We throw our hands up in defeat. That’s because a marathon was never meant to be run in the same way as a sprint. A marathon requires preparation and mental endurance. A marathon requires you to pace yourself, visualize your goal, and rest and recover often. We run too fast and do too much. We lose sight of our goal of connected relationship with our kids and focus on behavior modification. We don’t stop to rest and take care of our own needs because we are so focused on our kids.
[bctt tweet=”Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint.” username=”OneBigHappyHome”]
Action step: In your blessing journal, make a plan. Write down three things: 1) How can I slow down or cut something back in order to maintain a better pace? 2) What is my goal in parenting? 3) How will I take care of myself in order to rest? Answer these 3 questions honestly and look back at it often.
Now that I have a plan and have taken an honest look at how I am running, where do I go?
I visualize the joy ahead
So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. 1 Peter 1:6 (NLT)
God did not bring us to this parenting journey to leave us stuck. He allows us to come to these trials “for a little while” so He can refine us and bring us to a place of healing. He uses this journey to draw us closer to Himself. He allows the “testing of our faith” in order to bring us to our knees. Our hope is found in Him and only Him. Allow yourself to visualize a day when these temporary trials and struggles are gone. There is joy ahead of us. God has already brought you through many trials to the place you are today.
Action step: Find a friend who is walking this journey with you. Invite them into this journey with you. Look back at your plan and your blessings often. Continue to persevere through the hard times knowing that there is joy ahead and God will not leave you stuck. Ask your friend to remind you of how far you have come when things look hopeless.
Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Kayla North is co-founder of One Big Happy Home and is considered an expert on childhood trauma. Along with her husband, she has developed training materials and programs for parents, churches, and schools educating them on trauma and its impacts. Kayla is also an affiliate trainer with Trauma Free World, an ETC Parent Trainer, TBRI practitioner, and the Executive Directory of Tapestry. She speaks at churches, schools, conferences, and retreats nationwide.