I can still remember all of the babies we cared for over the years. While they were all unique, they all had one thing in common; being swaddled tight helped them sleep well.

They loved the security that being wrapped tightly in the blanket provided. But it wasn’t only the swaddling that helped them sleep, they also loved the nurture they got from being held and rocked. We had an (almost) foolproof formula during those days; swaddling (structure) + rocking (nurture) = sleep.

The funny thing is that our kids don’t ever lose their need for nurture and structure. Those two things are not baby specific, they affect us all.

Our kids need both structure and nurture to develop and grow. The nurture we provide helps our children feel loved and the structure we provide helps them feel safe.

They need both nurture and structure from us. They need boundaries as much as they need love. We cannot divide and conquer on this one. We cannot say to our spouse, “You be structure and I’ll provide the nurture.” That doesn’t work. We both need to be in balance as individuals, our kids need us to be in balance so that they can heal and grow.