It’s December and there are many reasons to be excited; Christmas, family, fun, and feasting. But for kids who have experienced prenatal harm, abuse, neglect, and trauma, this time of year can be very stressful. And the increase in stress can lead to big emotions and behaviors.

As parents, we have to ensure that our kids feel loved and safe during all of the extra activities and time with extended family.  

One way we can love our kids well this holiday season is to not deviate from their routines too much. Predictability is comforting to traumatized people. In short, routines help our kids feel safe.

Kids who have experienced loss and harm need the structure that consistent routines provide. Travel, late nights, unfamiliar people, and foods may cause them to dysregulate and act in ways that seem unusual.

The temptation for late nights and days packed with activities is big this time of year. Just remember that departures from routines will be accompanied by an increase in negative behaviors. Consider how much of a departure from the usual  December tends to be and how often we get frustrated during this season.

Now imagine how difficult a departure from their routine is for our kids while remembering that people with trauma histories struggle with change. Routines are predictable and predictability feels safe.

Consider ahead of time what might need to be adjusted to help our kids feel safe and loved. Decide which activities and traditions can be adjusted so that our kids don’t get overwhelmed. Give your extended family a heads up so that they can help you truly makes this the most wonderful time of the year for our families.