The mindset we parents bring into our relationship with our children is so important.

Its really one of the most important things we can control, because it totally sets the tone from which we approach our child.

Do we see a child trying to manipulate a situation or so we see a fearful, overwhelmed child struggling to survive?

Do we see a child as “picky” when they refuse to eat what we’ve cooked, or do we see them using their voices and delight in seeing them embrace their uniqueness?

Do we see a child trying to control bedtime with the 200th question or do we see a child begging for connection and asking us to be there in the only way his tired brain knows how?

Do we see a child who won’t do what we ask, as disobedient and stubborn or do we see a child who “can’t” and is asking for help because they are stressed out and overwhelmed?

Do we see a child who seems not to care about others as selfish, and entitled, or do we see a child who is drowning and can’t think of others while he’s in that state of internal panic and pain?

Do we see a whining child as trying to be annoying and controlling or do we see a child who feels powerless?

We, as parents, are faced with all kinds of these situations every day in varying forms and intensity.

And guess what?

We can choose, and that choice is going to make so much difference if we are going to be able to meet our child with compassion and love or are we going to come into the situation trying to control our child and use fear tactics to accomplishing goal.

❤️

I need to constantly remind myself that I can reprogram my brain. 
I am in control of my thoughts.

I am powerful.

I do have a choice in these kinds of situations.

I do.

Because it’s usually when I let myself go into default mode, those old ways of viewing children take over and I start feeling powerless, I grasp at trying to control things that aren’t mine to control – like another person’s reactions, choices, feelings, emotions etc.

I head down into my downstairs brain and the situation starts to feel like a crisis. And ya, things go south from there.

But when I remember I am powerful and I CAN choose how to see this situation.

I can choose to see things through the lens of truths like

‘a child that is acting out is stressed out’

and ‘children do well when they can’,

and when I do, COMPASSION takes the drivers seat instead of control and I’m able to stay in my upstairs brain. And that means I’m usually able to find the connected answer to the situations I find myself in, I can think about how to be there for my struggling child, in the very way they need, wether it’s helping them regulate their big emotions, help them learn a lagging skill etc.

When we choose to see our kids as doing the very best they can in the moment, it empowers us, frees us and helps us become the very parents our child is needing, and give them the support, teaching and care they need to grow and thrive. Helping them develop their skill sets and improve their abilities in all kind of different situations.

❤️

I know this can be a hard paradigm shift for so many of us who weren’t raised with this mentality.

But the more we can focus on the truth that of , as Aware Parenting say, “ our children are like us in so many ways, and love to be heard, understood and treated with loving compassion, the more we are likely to be able to put ourselves in their shoes.

The more we can see things through their eyes, and through our eyes of love, the more we can respond in ways that help them feel connected, have choice, and get to release and express the painful feelings that cause so many of the things we find challenging.”

❤️

I know it means so very much to me when Kenton sees me through the lens of “doing the very best in the moment” even when it could totally look like I’m not trying hard enough, not giving my all, etc.

When he steps into my struggle with love and support, instead of judgement and criticism, takes the time to listen to all that is going on underneath the surface of my heart, when he seems the overwhelm in my snappy words, and meets me right there with understanding and compassion… oh my… that’s the way to my heart and our connection goes even deeper. I feel seen and heard and so so loved.

When he chooses compassion for me instead of judgement, it empowers me!!

It’s the same with our kids.

It is.

❤️