Parenting is not an easy job.

We are responsible for training and shaping the next generation. That task weighs heavy on me some days. Other days I find myself managing behaviors and not sure that I am doing anything of significance.

Am I shaping the next generation or simply becoming a drill sergeant of a small disorganized army?

During these long days of summer, I find myself yet again needing to reframe behaviors. The way I view my children and their behaviors, is the way I respond to them. I cannot control their behaviors, but my response is in my control.

On days I see my son as defiant and unwilling to do what is asked of him, my temper is short and the consequences seem to roll off my tongue. When I reframe his behavior as a kid whose brain was mis-wired and who struggles with simple tasks of executive functioning, I find myself able to have patience and help him develop new skills.

When I see my daughter as explosive and disrespectful, I respond with a louder voice and often an equally disrespectful tone. Consequences are again doled out and her spirit is crushed. No compassion. No help from her mom. When I view her as an anxious kid who carries the weight of the world on her shoulders and often needs me to co-regulate her, I am able to offer her calming tools and a calm voice that allows her to express her emotions.

Try reframing how you see your child. He is not defiant, he is scared and lacks skills to communicate. She’s not explosive, she’s anxious and needs tools. It is much easier to be compassionate with a scared or anxious kid who needs my help.

How I view my kids matters.

How can you reframe your child’s behavior in order to respond in a better way?