Feeling Safe

One of the things I struggled to understand when we first became parents was felt-safety. I understood that negative behaviors could be driven by fear, which made perfect logical sense, it still does. 

But how can someone who is safe have those same negative behaviors just because they don’t feel safe? 

I didn’t understand felt-safety because I was thinking about it logically, but fear doesn’t include logic in the conversation. It’s only concerned with protection. That is why someone who doesn’t feel safe will respond the same way that someone who isn’t safe does. 

Can you think of a time in your life when fear was driving your behavior when you were safe? 

I used to be afraid of flying, and when I say afraid, I mean shortness of breath, sweaty palms, tight chest, etc. The whole nine yards. And that’s how I felt in the terminal. But here’s the thing, that’s also how I felt in the air. Flying was no scarier to me than the thought of flying was to me.

[You can watch a video of me telling that story here.]

The thought of flying was enough to compromise my sense of felt-safety, and that’s what was driving my behavior. 

So what now?

We recorded an episode of the podcast where we talk about felt-safety. We discussed the differences between being safe and feeling safe and shared a few strategies to help you create an environment where your kids feel safe.