Sometimes I think people are surprised that I don’t encourage them to foster or adopt. The younger me wanted everyone to become a foster parent or adopt. I wanted to shout from the rooftops how big the need was for foster and adoptive parents.
But the older and wiser me has a different story to shout. You won’t see me posting graphics about how many kids are waiting to be adopted (and there are a lot of kids) or how many kids in foster care need a home (so many sleeping in shelters and offices even tonight).
But it is so much more complicated. The pain and loss that comes from adoption and foster care is so hard. Both for the kids and those who love them.
Trauma sucks. Plain and simple. I wish I could guarantee that no person would ever have to endure the things that some of my kids have endured. But I can’t.
I wish I could erase the lies that the enemy puts in my kid’s head. Lies that make them feel less than. Lies that make it hard to trust those who love them. Lies that make attachment hard. But I can’t.
I wish I could tell prospective adoptive and foster parents that love will be enough. That as long as you go to all the classes and read all the books things will be good. But I can’t.
God has used this road to refine us as parents and as Christ-followers. He has given us so many opportunities to learn to trust Him. To learn to stop believing the lies of the enemy.
So I won’t shout from the rooftops about the need.
Instead, I will quietly whisper…this is hard. If you are up for the hard and you feel God nudging you in that direction I’d love to chat. And if you take the next step, I’ll be here to listen to the hard.
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Kayla North is co-founder of One Big Happy Home and is considered an expert on childhood trauma. Along with her husband, she has developed training materials and programs for parents, churches, and schools educating them on trauma and its impacts. Kayla is also an affiliate trainer with Trauma Free World, an ETC Parent Trainer, TBRI practitioner, and the Executive Directory of Tapestry. She speaks at churches, schools, conferences, and retreats nationwide.