One of the eternal struggles of parenting is getting your kids in bed and having them stay in their beds. Bedtime is a simple struggle at its root, kids don’t want to go to sleep and parents just want the kids to go to bed.
It’s a struggle because we have competing agendas at bedtime, kids want to squeeze as much out of the day as possible and parents just want them to go to bed. Kids want to spend as much time as possible with their parents (I know this might be hard for some of you to believe), that’s why they want one more story, one more minute of snuggles, one more hug, or one more kiss.
Parents just want their kids to go to bed.
As parents, we want to get on with our evening which could be doing the dinner dishes, responding to emails, making school lunches, or just watching a little TV.
These competing agendas explain why we are more likely to respond out of increasing levels of frustration after bedtime rather than with the kindness our kids need.
They also explain why we tend to push our kids away after bedtime rather than bring them close and help them the way they need us to help them. I think it’s because we feel like kids have an insatiable appetite for getting what they want. After all, we know that if you give them an inch they’ll take a mile. At least that is what conventional wisdom says.
As it turns out, conventional wisdom might be wrong on this one.
What we have learned is to embrace the kids when they come downstairs. When we do that we reduce their anxiety about not sleeping or being out of their beds. Which in turn allows them to stay in their beds. Which in turn reduces our frustration with them.
Sometimes we have to lean into the things we need to avoid to get the results that we want.
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Ryan North is the Co-Founder of One Big Happy Home and creator of The Empowered Parent Podcast. He is a recognized expert on childhood trauma, a TBRI Practitioner, and develops training materials for parents, schools, churches, and child-placing agencies. Ryan is a sought-after speaker known for his engaging and practical approach to communicating complex issues clearly and relatable to a wide range of audiences.