No one told me it would be this hard.
Or maybe they did and I just didn’t hear them. Sure I remember hearing stories of sleepless nights and crying that went on for hours (wasn’t that just supposed to be the kids?).
High fevers that caused worry. Tantrums that would leave you scratching your head wondering what book to read next. Those things were expected. They came and went and then a new phase of parenting arrived.
These were predictable by most standards. Part of being a parent. Even when you were so tired you didn’t think you could do one more thing, showing up.
Staying up late studying for tests, preparing for presentations, or just talking about the day’s events over a cup of tea. Showing up for sporting events and school performances. Watching them grow and learn and hoping you did enough to point them to Jesus. Hoping you told them enough times how much you love them and how precious they are to you.
Anticipating the day you would help move them into a dorm room or a new apartment. Watching them flourish and use the skills you taught them to become an adult. Seeing them fall in love or land their dream job. Start a family or travel the world. Knowing they had all they needed.
But what about when things go terribly wrong. No one ever told me how hard it would be to fight for your child day in and day out. Love them fiercely, even when their actions were less than loving. Love them when they do things that hurt others. Love them when they do things that hurt themselves.
No one ever told me how hard it would be when it didn’t go as planned. When you start to doubt everything you thought you knew about being a parent. When you fight for services for your child. When you fight for help.
Only to hit a wall.
Only to be pushed away by lies and manipulation. Triangulation and self-sabotage. Mental illness.
Watching your child struggle with not believing they are worthy of being loved.
Those are the thing that bring me to my knees.
Families who are facing another psychiatric in-patient stay for their 8-year-old.
Families who are searching desperately for their teen who has run away yet again.
Families dealing with substance abuse and self-destructive behaviors.
Many parents are facing this painful reality. It feels excruciating to not be able to fix it. Impossible to know where to go next. Isolating.
No one told me it would be this hard.
If this is you, I see you. You are not alone. This journey is long and I am confident that God is doing a great work through this hard season. You don’t have to do it alone. Join our FREE private community away from the noise of social media where you can find like minded people.
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Kayla North is co-founder of One Big Happy Home and is considered an expert on childhood trauma. Along with her husband, she has developed training materials and programs for parents, churches, and schools educating them on trauma and its impacts. Kayla is also an affiliate trainer with Trauma Free World, an ETC Parent Trainer, TBRI practitioner, and the Executive Directory of Tapestry. She speaks at churches, schools, conferences, and retreats nationwide.